AAbolishing testersultimately, testers can prove that Agile processes are just as prone to bugs as any other. The placebo effect is maintained with alternative strategies. See Hexaflexagonal Architecture and Quality is in the toilet and flushingAgilistaone of us, not one of them. See How To Be An Agilista.AngerA way of reacting to someone's views to make their viewpoint seem less desirable. See I Am Not ShoutingAntagonist, Theblind to the benefits of anything that involves change. See Team Membership
BBeliever, Theblind to the failings and committed to the dogma, the bedrock of any Agile-attack on your organisation. See Team MembershipBelievingthe central tenet of agile. See Seeing is believing.Blameless cultureHow to apportion blame without looking to be to blame for causing blame. See How to turn your company aroundBlitz spirita traditional British response to attack, involving improved performance despite and because of the difficulties presented. See Keeping Your JobBooleanproof that something is true or false, undesirable for the Agilistalist who is spreading falsehood and placebo. See avoid booleanBottleneckinghow to use the deepest fears of a production environment to control them, much like Room 101 See Bottlenecking
CCarpet SweeperA style of management involving a big rug and keeping problems out of sight. See How to turn your company aroundChickenSee pigClaiming successattaching any incidental successes to your reports to make you look good. Also attaching any unrelated successes. See Production SimulationConfusionA means of making people uncertain of whether they are right or wrong. Ultimately you get your way because you're the only person who isn't confused. See I Am Not Shouting
DDefender, Theperverts the system by following it and adding all the things which would otherwise be replaced by it. See Team MembershipDistortionHow to make people see things your way without arguing the point, simply distort everything until it fits your viewpoint. See I Am Not ShoutingDocumentationunpleasant evidence of what you said you'd do, or what you actually did. See Avoid Documentation.Dogmathe sure fire way to stick to your guns. Nobody can argue with dogma or they will look foolish. See Making People Feel Stupid.Dojoplace of learning martial arts. What this has to do with software is anyone's guess. See The Muda of Muda.Dou DaA post failure meeting to redefine success. See Dou Da, the art of the retrospective
EThe Emperor's New Clothesthe story of a child who was so blind he couldn't see.ExtrapolationIf something is good, then it's worth extrapolating. See Extreme Programming, Ringfencing and Avoid BooleanExtreme Programmingprogramming is turned from a serious engineering pursuit into a dangerous sport. SICK!
FFervourWhen dogma meets belief.First line of irritationa protective group of Agilists put forward by an Agile-meister to protect him against the immediate threat of violence. See Not Getting A Smack In The Mouth
GGaijinforeigner or other.Gamingenjoying your work by pretending it's all a game, even though people's livelihoods are at stake. Gaming is also the process of making yourself look better by improving only specific, measured, strategies.See Information Radiators and Game Theory
HHaikua three line verse in 5, 7, 5 syllables which sums something up neatly. E.g. Agile is going\to destroy your company\if you will let it.Hexaflexagonal architectureAn apparently impossible approach to testing. See Concave Hexaflexagonal Archictecture
IIllusory progressthe suggestion of moving forward and gaining momentum without any evidence. Can be simulated by simply using stronger language and better excuses. See Reiterative DevelopmentIterative developmentadding features in small almost imperceptible increments. See Reiterative DevelopmentIn-fightingencourage this to take attention away from your empty promises. See Intangible Mist MysteryIntangible Mista fog through which nobody can see your true purpose. See Intangible Mist Mystery
JJonah methodhow to convey your own brand of uncommon sense. See Effecting Change.
KKasaAn umbrella. See also Poppins, MaryKataanother martial arts term relating to some sort of training. See The Muda of Muda.Knee-Jerk Improviserhow creativeness on the spur of the moment can be a substitute for leadership. See The Knee-Jerk Improviser.
LLocal optimumhaving reached the point where everything you can see seems to be working really well. Apparently this is not good enough. See Effecting Change.
MMudaa waste of something or other, usually your time. See The Muda of Muda and Ohno Not More Muda.Mug, Theone of the well-intentioned souls paving the way to hell. See Team MembershipMythical Man Monththe fallacy that some men can work 90 hour weeks without going insane. See The Mythical Man MonthMythical Man Moththe depressingly simple pest who flys into the light. See The Mythical Man Moth
NNecessary BullshitThe lamentably small amount of nonsense it takes to confuse the simple majority. See Necessary BullshitNon-leaderA style of management that's neither peer led nor dictatorial, but somewhere in between. See How to turn your company around
OOstrich, Thelets it all happen, regardless of the obvious consequences. See Team Membership
PPassive Aggressiveholds everyone back with a string of semi-coherent excuses. Repressing a desire to kill. See Team Membership and The YakisobiPigWhat you want to be if you want to get anything done. The pig is committed. Sadly, pigs often die before breakfast. See also chicken and How To Be An Agilista (silly metaphors)Placebo Effectallows you to appear to be the best thing since sliced bread while the breadbin disintegratesPope, Thespiritual leader of the Agile cult. See Team MembershipPoppins, MaryChief Agilistaist and umbrella flyer. See Sugaring The Pill and Game TheoryPossessivenessHe who owns the process, owns everything. See I Am Not ShoutingProblem Absolving PositionGet yourself a company scapegoat. See Problem Absolving PositionProcessthe most important thing in the world.Production Simulationmake believe progress seen against the backdrop of a flimsy analogy with manufacture. See Production SimulationProtagonistinstigator of trouble/Agile. See Team MembershipPseudo-MLa method of conveying no information using confusing, but apparently intelligable diagrams. See Pseudo-ML diagrams
QQuality is in the toilet and flushingswirling away from you, but leaving the shit behind
RRadiator (Information)How to make the work of your team seem hot with lots of charts See Information Radiators.Refactoring realityreality, when spun correctly, will always be in your favour. See Production SimulationReiterative developmentthe process of repeating the same task in order to fix any problems that would lose you your job, while at the same time guaranteeing a perpetual need for your role. See Reiterative DevelopmentReporting (optimistic)maintaining the effect of illusory progress by giving good reports, regardless of actual progress. See Production SimulationResistorsilent, virtually useless opposition to Agile, drags everyone down regardless. See Team MembershipRingfencingprotect your position by placing artificial barriers around everything. See Avoid Boolean
SSalmon methodLike the waterfall model, but uphill. See Parable Of The YakisobiScapegoatjust follow the pointed fingers. If you look at the other end of the arm pointing the finger, you have the cause. See Team MembershipShoehorningHow to ensure your unified-theory-of-everything includes anything that it shouldn't. See ShoehorningSimple MajorityThe large number of people in an organisation who are too stupid to see through manipulation See Simple MajorityStandardsthat which you claim to be raising while simultaneously eroding and destroying all records of it. See Avoid Documentation.Start the ball rollinghow to make irreversible decisions seem easy and invisible. See Team Membership, Protagonist and JumanjiSuit (The Agile)how incremental builds can ruin a good tailor. See The Agile suit.Sugaring the pillmake bad news seem like proof of how good you are. See Sugaring the PillSweetisticshow to make pseudo-science seem like it's based on rational evidence. Everything tastes nice with sweetistics. See Sweetistics
TTheory of constraintsthe idea that when you hold engineers back from their job they feel angry and constrained.Truism something undeniably true which you can say without any need to justify it. Truisms please people and are, largely, irrelevant. They are a useful tool. See Promising The World.Toyotathe car in front. Also the model for any engineering ideal. See The Muda of Muda.
WWaterfalla method of software engineering which is like the natural flow of water... off the edge of a cliff and into oblivion. See The Agile suit.White Book (the)The mystical bible from which all Agile practices derive. Similar to The Beatles's "White Album".World (the)what you must promise. See Promising The World.
YYakisobiFat woman. Useless, pointless, redundant. See Parable Of The Yakisobi