Not Getting A Smack In The Mouth

Your presence in a company can cause a great deal of resentment or misagilisma. In some companies, this could lead to increased levels of anxiety, resentment, feelings of depression and, in some extreme cases, violence. It is vital, then, that you choose the company you join wisely in order to avoid a physical incident breaking out. Although you might claim to be good in a scrum and even be a black belt, these terms have absolutely nothing to do with real martial arts, and will quickly feel as shallow as they truly are if someone actually squares up to you and intends on really hurting you.

Choosing the right approach
Here are the tips:

• Try to avoid a company with large or violent people in it - software engineers are often a meek bunch, so this shouldn't be too difficult
• If you do find yourself in a company with people who could do you damage, suggest a pilot scheme which has you working with a team which doesn't include these people. Incidentally, this idea of working with only one team and yet still driving the entire company into the dust, is the best approach. The special treatment of one team and the idea that everyone else should cargo-cult on things which that team claim to find useful (though actually that team is failing too and it's just illusory progress) can quickly break the spirit of the whole company, without it necessarily appearing to be your fault alone.
• Ensure that you are not seen as the major implementer of all change - instead wind other people up to do your dirty work. Those people will provide the first line of irritation to the violent.
• Try to avoid winding people up by slagging them off in public.
• Slag them off indirectly instead.

Simple and you'll probably find that, after this, the company is too busy tearing itself apart to find the time to start on you.